It has been six years since my first conversation with a boy that had me on my toes every minute of my day and three since my first intimate relation with that same boy.
I saw the world in him, the world of perfection. Physically, mentally and emotionally he was perfect. I could give up anything to him, more or less my virginity.
As a child, watching Cinderella and Prince Charming, I created the ideal image of a man, much like Charming. With the little information that I learned in the first few years of meeting him, I carried on those ideas and fabricated my own expectations to meet his personality and ultimately create my ideal man. He was perfect.
He’d be the neurosurgeon and I’d be the nurse. We would be the power couple. A young, successful, driven couple.
His blue eyes, brown hair, gorgeous smile, smell of dolce and ghabanna, what more could I ask for. He captivated me with the strong sweet smell of his cologne when he enters the room. One whiff and I knew I always wanted him. His intelligence was a sure thing. Physique, impeccable; tall, tan, handsome, and built. He was sweet, made me smile, listened and insists that I talk at times. He was everything I could have asked for, but why, after leading me on would you, could you disappoint me and inflict so much emotional pain that I have never felt.
How did I come to be so vulnerable that I let merely a boy throw me off my balance in life. I’m a mess. I won’t show it, but I really am. In every way, I felt comfort just thinking that one day you could be there for me, but I got the message loud and clear, that there was nothing there. Nothing.
You are the final chapter in my high school life. On a rather twisted and risky night, I got the answer I needed to hear to change my life around. To be honest, I don’t regret ever loving you because I have learned the extent of how much I can care for someone, forgive someone, or reveal myself to someone when I truly like them. We are all afraid of caring for someone because we fear that those emotions are not returned, but I think I did my share for you. I love you and I might always will, but me and you will never happen.
I have delayed my life by a semester in time. I have blocked out many opportunities that I could have been living in college because I chose to stay in my high school state of mind. But as of today, I choose to change. I’m learning to see you as just another boy, and you hopefully one day, you'll just be a silly story to tell to my grand kids, because a real man could never do half the things you have to me. I hate you just as much as I love you.
But rather than putting in all that energy to hate and love you, I am going to learn more about myself. I will discover me throughout college. I am an independent girl making mistakes, taking risks, and learning to love. I enjoy the feeling of being loved, but I am in no rush to find a man because for now, I have my best friends and my family to adore me until I finally stumble upon a man who will treat me with respect, love, kindness, and talk.
My name is Priscilla and with my best friend Jessica, we are two strong-willed optimistic girls who is living life. We make our predictions and tell our stories for the sake of memories of our youth.
